Without the glamour.

Sitting at a desk, hunched over and squinting at the enigmatic words in front of me on the computer screen. Freud, Lacan, Saussure. An extra-large cup of mud-thick lukewarm coffee in a mug that reads “princess”. Smeared make-up, residue of the day past. Highlighters as far as the eye can see, and surrounded in stacks of papers and textbooks the size of your average telephone book. Scrub-styled pants and a generic tank top, with U of A hoodie unzipped, pushed up around the elbows. Midnight seems so early, target “finish” time is approx 4am. The continual stress and constant position cause muscles to spasm in the back and neck, as music wafts across the apartment from my roommates room. Identical to the perception of university life back in high school, but without the glamour.

Thank God for spellcheck.

And the brilliance continues…

BRAIN CRAMPS
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
Miss America 1995 from Alabama Heather Whitestone

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Popular Pop Singer
Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost
a very important part of your life,"(During an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
Model, movie and TV actress
Brooke Shields

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," University of Kentucky Basketball ForwardWinston Bennett

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
Washington DC MayorMarion Barry

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"A congressional candidate in Texas

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Philadelphia Phillies Manager
Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Vice President
Al Gore

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
Vice President Al Gore

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Vice President Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves,
How much clean air do we need?"
Chrysler Chairman and CEO
Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
NFL Quarterback and Sports Analyst Joe Theisman

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply
exclude certain types of people."
ROTC Instructor Colonel Gerald Wellman


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
President Bill Clinton

"Traditionally, most of Australia's
imports come from overseas."
Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
Greenville, South Carolina Department of Social Services


"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

FCC ChairmanMark S. Fowler

Fait Accomplit Release Party Synopsi

It was a marvelous release, with very few complications. Sure, I got all bitchy at the lame people who were occupying the area when we were trying to set up, and sure I nearly blew a gasket at all the disorganization at the beginning; but all in all it was pretty good.

Except for the sound.

Fuck. When the rentals for the mikes fell through, and we weren’t able to book ALL of Dewey’s, just the top section of the lounge, I was worried. And as it turned out, I was right to be. The readers were marvelous…I think. I couldn’t hear a damn thing, and either could anyone else. Dammit! But, I think everyone had a pretty good sense of humor about it, and people heard bits and pieces.

So the good parts:

-I feel that I looked right for the occasion; not too dressy, but dressy enough that people knew who to look for in the crowd.

-I also feel that I was a strong reader; when I had to read for others who were too nervous, I think that I did a good job. I did my best at walking around the room, so everyone would hear a little bit. Oh, and I think I did a snazzy job MC-ing. Rumor has it that it wasn’t obvious just how badly I was shaking. Three cheers for wine and false confidence! Whoo!!

-We sold out within the first 20 mins; a new Fait Accomplit record! Also, we had 16 people attend our release last year; this year was a record 42 people! Oh yeah, baby. And not only did we sell out, but we made a profit. First time THAT’S happened in years!

- I want to say thanks to all my friends who made the effort at coming out, and hauling people out with them. Bo and his nifty Rocky Horror loving friend, Chelsey, Christine, and Jordan, thank you a million times over for coming out, supporting me, HELPING ME, and contributing to Fait Accomplit. Really. It meant a lot to see you all sitting there.

-Now that it’s over, and despite all the negative aspects of the night, I would deem it a success. But the best part of it is, I get a month and a half break from all things Fait Accomplit, until it’s time to get the ball rolling for the spring edition. Which, by the way, I have full intentions of shamelessly plugging on this blog, and nagging ya’ll to submit your work. “SUBMIT YOURSELF” will be the next slogan. I sadly came up with it a day too late for this one.

Anyway, now it’s time to return to the work that I’ve been neglecting. This 12 page essay is my personal Dystopia...stupid sci fi class.

-K

Quote du Jour
“It has to be a Synposi. After all, you’re talking about many Synopsis!”
-Jordan

U of A Rant #2

Okay. I have to voice this. Even of you’re taking a class that is required of you to obtain your degree, you should clearly THINK about the stupidity that flies out of your mouth during said class. Honestly. Jordan and I are in this terrible C Lit class together that is filled with science students, who are renowned for their incredible ability to entirely miss the point of all literature we’ve covered thus far. This evening we were discussing the feminine characteristics of a particular woman in the text, and this little slice of brilliance popped out of a girl’s mouth:

“Well, really, the only thing that makes Molly female is her sexuality.”

Thanks for that astute observation, eagle-eye. That’s equivalent to saying that the only thing that really makes up a book is pages and words. How the hell have you progressed this far in your academic career?

Honestly!

-K

Quote du Jour
“Okay, that was only mostly my fault!”
-Geoff

Post-ish

Yeah, so I fill out one of these about once every year when I’m seriously avoiding the work that I should be doing. Tonight was no exception. So here it is…one of those retarded emails we all get from that friend who’s bored at work, the “about me” email. If ya’ll feel the urge, fill one out about your own bad selves and leave it in the comments for me to enjoy.
And I feel it’s important to stress three imperative reason’s why I’m posting this:

So Chelsey stops threatening me to post
So Bo stops using phrases like “damnation, woman!”
So Geoff has a written source to refer back to about my likes and dislikes that doesn’t involve him putting info into his phone.
Enjoy!

1. What time is it? 11:38 p.m.

2. Name: Keltie Samantha Fisk

3. Nickname: Kelt

4. Piercings? Nada

5. What is the most recent movie you've seen? Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (My boyfriend rocks because he puts up with my love of HP. In fact, one might go as far as to say that I am jiggy with the potter)

6. Eye color: Brown…but red during exam week

7. Place of birth: Edmonton

8. Favorite foods: At this point? Something that didn’t cost me any money! Yeah, or you know, a solid red tenderloin.

9. Ever been to Africa : No…not yet.

10. Ever been toilet papering (rolling)? no

11. Love someone so much it made you cry: I refuse to respond to the question on the grounds that it’s far too girly.

12. Been in a car accident: I sure has hell haven’t been in two in the last few months. (cheap shot). Nah, a fender bender in high school.

13. Croutons or bacon bits: Yuck, neither.

14. Favorite day of the week: Sunday morning

15. Favorite restaurant: I’m a huge fan of The Keg. I’m also partial to Olive Garden. Oh, and BP’s, seeing as how it’s a cornerstone of my relationship.

16. Favorite Flower: It’s really all just work to me…but I would have to say dendrobium orchids (stem dyed) and calla lilies.

17. Favorite sport to watch: Skiing, Football.

18. Favorite drink: Beer, Diet Coke, and coffee. The true drink of the champions.

19. Favorite ice cream: It is has the word “maple”, I’m so into it.

20. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney...but then again, they don’t have Yacko, Wacko, OR Dot.

21. Favorite fast food restaurant: Pita Pit, Quizno’s

22. What color is your bedroom carpet? That’s assuming I can actually SEE the carpet in question. But between the dropped eyeliner stains and the mountain of freshly laundered clothing, I would venture to guess a dusty rose color. (that was once simply rose)

23. How many times you failed your driver's test? I didn’t fail…but I DID nearly hit a cat when attempting to parallel park.

24. What happened to the real question here???? The question we should all be asking is what DIDN’T happen to the real question here?

25. Which store would you choose to Max out your credit card ? Pravda. Hands down.

26. What do you do most often when you are bored? Sadly, pick up a book or fill out questionnaires when I’m avoiding Fait Accomplit work. Oh, or visit (read: irritate) my roommate.

27. Bedtime: Sleep is for the weak.

28. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? Seeing as how I’m going to kill two birds with one stone and just post it on my blog as a lame cop-out as to Chelsey and Bo’s incessant nagging about my serious lack of post, none.

29. Who are you the most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? I’m sure Chelsey will have some smart-ass remark to share with the world and Christine will mock me about some aspect of it later.

31. Favorite TV shows: If it’s not animated, I don’t bother. (with one exception: Arrested Development). Barring that, Futurama, Simpsons, Family Guy and anything that provides distraction from the task at hand.

32. Last person you went to dinner with: My roommate, actually. We made some rather runny taco’s. (“Dammit, Jordan!”) Other then that, my sweetie.

33. Ford or Chevy: My car is a Ford, and I godda say I’m a big fan of my car. But that’s pretty much because it’s red and sorta fast (ish)

34. What are you listening to right now: The sound of my nails on the keys. That and the shitty plumbing in my building. Give it a sec *ambles away* Aerosmith.
35. What is your favorite color: Bloody-murder Red, Burnt Orange

36. How many tattoos do you have: Just the one….”Integrity” written across the middle of my back in Thai.

37. How many pets do you have: Jordan sheds a lot…oh, and my Fish of Spite, Capulet

38. Which came first the chicken or the chicken egg? Clearly, that’s the great epiphany we all experience when we die. I bet a lot of souls are pissed. (“That’s IT? DAMMIT!”)

39. How many people are you sending this e-mail to: Blog. So how many readers? Two. Three if I’m lucky.

40. What would be your favorite anniversary gift? Hello realm of the hypothetical. I’m unwed, BUT. Knowing me and Geoff? Something entirely retarded and really, really cool. Like going to Vegas to pretend that we’ve just met and want to get drunkenly married.
Actually, that’s a GREAT idea. If not…then still something wicked cool.

41. What’s you favorite accent? Geoff’s impression of the Boston Crayfish in Finding Nemo. (“It’s wicked dark down there”)

Oh yeah., What a fantastic waste of time for all parties involved.

-K

Quote du Jour
“Not in my Fantasy Hammock, Keltie…”
-Jordan

Fait Accomplit Release Party!!

Poetry, Photography, and Prose, oh my!

Fait Accomplit is proud to announce it’s newest edition!

Come one, come all to Dewey’s Lounge on Friday, November 18th between 7 -9pm to celebrate it’s spectacular debut in style!

Copies of the new fait accomplit will be available for $10, and back issues for $5.

Displays from some of our most talented photographers and readings from our dear contributors will be featured throughout the evening.

See you there!