Miscellaneous Update

It’s been a while.
Okay, so my first semester of my fourth year is completed. Whoo hoo! Conversely, I just found out that I’ve made a few more then a few mistakes with my classes, have to take 7 more to obtain my degree, rather then the projected 5. Ah well. I guess this is just a really expensive way to procrastinate entering the Real World. I’m okay with it…but I am psyched to finally finish my degree.
I did pretty well in my classes…in fact, this might be the best semester I’ve ever had grade-wise. I just have to wait and see if Mike O’Driscoll destroyed my life or not in English 217…
This break has been awesome so far. I got to have lunch with my lady Christine yesterday, and before that Chelsey and I got trashed and wound up chilling in my apartment all night, just chatting. We talked (and drank!) for a solid 7 hours. It was awesome. Also, I discovered eBay! *everyone that knows my shoe fetish groans*. It’s true y’all. I’ve already bought a gorgeous pair of shoes on eBay. The first of many, I’m certain!
Moving on. I quit working for the tyranny of Bunches, only to return to the tyranny of the Carnies. It’s true; once you start working for One Stop Framing, you never do get out…ah well. It’s a temporary position, so I can make some cash before Reading Week.
Oh! Reading Week! Myself, Geoff, Jordo and his friend James are all going on a ski vacation to Fairmont in B.C! We’ll be staying at the Fairmount Villas for a week, enjoying barbeques, skiing, hot springs, the picturesque mountains, and above all: Relaxing!! It’s going to be great. We just have to figure out how we’re going to get there…I’m sure I’ll think of something brilliant.
Victoria just came for a quick “Merry Christmas” visit. Lovely wine goblets…what a great gift. These things are massive! “I just had one glass…”
I have to admit, I’m all about this brown Christmas. Seriously. I’m going home for a few days during the Christmas break. I’m going to help mum with the enormous Ukrainian feast that will occur tomorrow night. This meal is so huge it takes two days to prepare…my mum is the best cook in the world. I bet she could end wars with her cooking. Mmmm…I can’t wait.
So to all my dear readers, I wish you a fabulous Christmas and a fantastic New Year. Best wishes in this delightful holiday season and all that sappy trash we all pretend is ever so meaningful. Ha ha. But seriously everyone: Merry Christmas.


Quote du Jour
“I won’t buy my cereal based on rappers, but I will buy my butter based on philosophers.”
-Jordan

Jordan's English 217 Reading Report of Brilliance

Jordan Abel
English 217
Prof. M O’Driscoll
Thursday, December 1st, 2005

Response Paper #2: Harvey’s “Structures of Exemplarity”

“You have reached the department of philosophy at the Pennsylvania State University. Our office hours are nine to five Monday through Friday. We’re unable to take your call at the moment, but please leave a message and we’ll get back to you. Thank you.”

“Fuck!” I said as I returned my phone to the receiver. The woman’s drab, dry voice did not help me at all. In fact, it angered me more than anything. It would have been better if it had been Irene’s actual office number. In which case I would have left some sort of message. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have the balls to leave any messages at all.

Keltie burst into my room, and said, “we need to knock over Fort Knox, cause I want a house like they have.” She had just been watching The Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous. She threw her arms around my neck, as she typically does, and asked, “whatcha doin’?”

“I just called this chicks office.” I said.

“Holy shit Jordan! That is the most brilliant idea ever! Brilliant!” She was ecstatic. “It’s too bad we can’t do this for Derrida.”

I quickly googled Derrida’s name. However, as it was loading, Keltie pointed out that Derrida was dead.

“He’s dead!?”

“Yeah, it was in that movie we watched. Something about him buttering an english muffin.”

I laughed, “oh yeah?”

“Yeah, but how wicked would that be? Hello! Derrida! Jacques! Could you please do me a huge favour? Explain to me your entire theory. In twenty-five words or less. Preferably small words. Hell, why not make it twenty.”

“That would be the best idea ever!”

“Clearly.”

“You know, I had a similar idea for Irene. Only she’s alive.” I sat on my computer and wondered how I could work the word “corpse” into the next sentence. Hey! I did it! Fuck yeah! “I bet this is the most profanity he’s gotten in a reading report.”

“I bet this is the only profanity he’s ever gotten in a reading report.” Keltie was now sitting on my floor, twirling a stack of twelve blank CD’s.

“Fuck, it sure won’t be the last he sees. All I have to do now is work some random quotation.”

What to quote…What to quote… Chambers says that, “his childish attempt to salvage some narrative authority by withholding” (Chambers 291). Fuck. That’s the worst quote ever. It’s not even the right essay!

Jesus. I have no idea why Harvey is rehashing the dialogue between Lacan and Derrida, but especially when they are both just attempting to use Poe as an example. Wow. Philosophers have way too much time on their hands.

“I wish I was a philosopher Keltie.” I said, as I turned towards her.

“Yeah! Then you could contemplate the correct the way to butter an english muffin. You know… that’s what I would ask Derrida. What butter did you use on your english muffin? Enough of this Fifty-Cent and Eminem product endorsements. I want to use the butter of a genius!”

I broke out laughing. “I won’t buy my breakfast cereal based on rappers, but I will buy my butter based on philosophers!”

Works Cited:

Chambers, Ross. “Narratorial Authority.” The Purloined Poe. Eds. John Muller and William Richardson. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 285-306.