Do not exceed recommended dosage of sass.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I might as well embrace my inner sass. I spend so much time thinking these uber-sassy comments and keeping them to myself. See, most people are either sassy and witty or socially retarded. I have this unique hybrid of the two. It’s troubling when it comes to that line that you just don’t want to cross with those that you hardly know. Example. Last month I went to a wedding with Geoff, where I met his charming brother. And by charming, I mean socially handicapped. This guy was unbelievable. He degraded me, informed Geoff that I was a bitch, and put 100% of his efforts into trying to get a rise out of me via shock value. I think I handled it remarkably well, only letting a few of the sassy comments escape. But the various bits of pure sass, those offensive witticisms that flew through my head and rolled around on my tongue, longing to jump forth into the world, were remarkable. But what, apart from social norms, stopped me from cutting this guy down? I didn’t want to disturb the unique dynamic the two of us had established, this undertone of a mental game that whispered and rustled against our conversations. We were both equally aware that we had entered into this contest, a proverbial tennis match with wit as ball and sass as the rackets. Geoff surveyed the affair all evening, a hypothetical referee ready to jump in and divert disaster should the sass be replaced with venom.
My point is, that by holding back and not being entirely feisty, I was able to play this game against a worthy competitor. Had I followed my immediate instinct and been completely sassy, I would likely have transcended the line that is wit, and entered into the realm of awkward social retardation. A large part of sass and wit is the ability to pick and choose certain battles. This is why the embrace of the inner sass becomes so vital.

-K

Uof A rant #1

$ 682 FOR TEXBOOKS FOR ONE SEMESTER???? THIS ISN’T EDUCATION, IT’S HIGHWAY FUCKING ROBBERY!!!!

The Lessons of Summer

Slacker might be a good term for my blog posts of late. Yes, my darling readers, I have been MIA when it comes to posting for the last month. But just wait until school begins, and there will be a plethora of posts to entertain you, as I rant and rage about the inherent injustice a student will inevitably suffer at the proverbial hands of the University of Alberta.
For the moment, though, all I have to offer are some various insights that this eventful summer has had to offer. So here, for your reading enjoyment, are The Lessons of Summer:

-Camping is always fun, though I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be even more fun when it’s not pouring.
-Practice is overrated; when you have incredible luck starting a fire, call the fluke a “knack” and take pride in it.
-Going out on the town every single weekend and getting sloshed is socially acceptable behavior when it’s summertime. And following that…
-…debauchery and hedonism hurt the following morning.
-When working a full time job over the summer months and anything goes wrong at said job, it’s important to remember that it is NOT your career.
-Moving out of your parent’s house is terrifying and invigorating all at the same time. But the true beauty of the matter is knowing that your mum will always have a place for you at the kitchen table with a cuppa and a sympathetic ear. The best part of moving out is the knowledge that you are always welcome back and that you are unconditionally loved.
-Working for a morally bankrupt company will haunt you for months to come, but will make you appreciate the support of your friends more then you ever knew before.
-Summer is undoubtedly the best time to fall in love.
-It’s important to stay positive, even when the most dismal situations hover on the horizon. Learning not to dread the possible future bumps, but to welcome the imminent challenge is the fundamental backbone to a relationship.
-Living with a roommate of the opposite sex is awesome; it allows one a lot of insight into the mystery of the other gender without clouding the evidence with sappy emotion.
-Also; living with a guy teaches one to relax and take things a little bit easier. If there are dirty dishes in the sink, one learns to be grateful that they aren’t on the floor attracting wildlife.
- If you ever think that nobody cares about you, try making a late payment on an Epcore bill. Trust me. They care.
-Laugh at yourself. Nobody, and I means nobody, is ever above making retarded mistakes.
-True friendship knows not the restraint of geography.
-Take pride in the smallest accomplishments. Hanging pictures, cooking meager meals, driving on the Whitemud or even just getting over a childish fear of insects or thunderstorms is a big deal.
- Fiscal responsibility is important, but not central; weighing the monetary consequences and indulging is one of the most satisfying feelings in the world. Even if it means living off of soda crackers and raiding the cupboards of friends and family for two weeks.
-It truly is the little things that make this life fabulous.
-Cherish the fun. Really.
-It is possible to make a manly gift basket.
-It is entirely worth sacrificing luxury items, sleep, and personal welfare to sit at a computer desk for hours on end and compose a story that will make your loved one smile.
-The expiry date on meat is accurate and not to be questioned, even if the meat has been frozen for its time spent on this earth.
-The walls are not soundproof. Sorry.
-If someone does something to make you smile, pay it forward.
-Never, ever compromise your integrity. It is what makes you who you are. Take pride in it.
-Rejoice the mornings that are not dictated by an alarm. As time progresses, they will become few and far in between.

And finally…

Enjoy your youth and all it encompasses; as cliché as it might be, these really are the best times of our lives.

Quote du Jour
“The Tier of Doom are all those conversations that will inevitable screw you over, no matter what.”
-Jordan