Do not exceed recommended dosage of sass.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I might as well embrace my inner sass. I spend so much time thinking these uber-sassy comments and keeping them to myself. See, most people are either sassy and witty or socially retarded. I have this unique hybrid of the two. It’s troubling when it comes to that line that you just don’t want to cross with those that you hardly know. Example. Last month I went to a wedding with Geoff, where I met his charming brother. And by charming, I mean socially handicapped. This guy was unbelievable. He degraded me, informed Geoff that I was a bitch, and put 100% of his efforts into trying to get a rise out of me via shock value. I think I handled it remarkably well, only letting a few of the sassy comments escape. But the various bits of pure sass, those offensive witticisms that flew through my head and rolled around on my tongue, longing to jump forth into the world, were remarkable. But what, apart from social norms, stopped me from cutting this guy down? I didn’t want to disturb the unique dynamic the two of us had established, this undertone of a mental game that whispered and rustled against our conversations. We were both equally aware that we had entered into this contest, a proverbial tennis match with wit as ball and sass as the rackets. Geoff surveyed the affair all evening, a hypothetical referee ready to jump in and divert disaster should the sass be replaced with venom.
My point is, that by holding back and not being entirely feisty, I was able to play this game against a worthy competitor. Had I followed my immediate instinct and been completely sassy, I would likely have transcended the line that is wit, and entered into the realm of awkward social retardation. A large part of sass and wit is the ability to pick and choose certain battles. This is why the embrace of the inner sass becomes so vital.

-K