10 Things I Hate About U...of A

1. The total lack of realistically priced parking. The university is the size of a small city, and with all the mandatory ‘extras’ we pay in our tuition, there is absolutely no reason why the university can not accommodate students with substantial parking at economical, student-friendly prices.

2. The campus itself. As Albertans, we live in sub-zero temperatures 8+ months of the year. Several of these months fall within the school year. So will someone please explain to me why Arts students are stuffed into random classrooms all over the bloody campus, and given a mere 10 minuets to dodge bleary-eyed colleagues, engineering students with no social grace, blizzards, hung-over HUB/Lister occupants, retarded first-years AND the never ending campus construction as we run across campus to get to a second class? A campus that is roughly a quarter of the size of Manhattan with at least a third of the income should fucking well be able to come up with a heated, underground brother to the New York subway to be able to get to the imminently -to- be- condemned buildings that we Arts students are expected to learn in.

3. The employment of bullshit, off-the-boat profs who don’t speak a word of English, yet get offended when students are unable to communicate in clicks and whirrs.

4. The bullshit requirements for an Arts degree. Have I mastered the basic functions of the common calculator? Yes. Will I apply a semivariogram in my future career? Hell no. I can figure out tax, balance my chequebook, create a schedule, add tip, and even create a feasible budget. So why the fuck do I need to understand the basic principles of thermodynamics? How the hell does this have anything to do with an individual who is pursuing a career that stems from an Arts degree?

5. The curve. All grades are ultimately a result of university-demanded, prof-induced smoke and mirrors, anyway. Why bother creating a hostile environment with the inherent competition of the curve, while simultaneously asking ALL students for ‘University support and donations for the 2008 campaign”?? Go to hell. You already took enough of my money and made me hate my colleagues.

6. The jaded profs that get off with phrases like, ‘Yes, I realize that you just wrote your third 15 page paper with 37 peer-reviewed secondary sources in 24 hours. But your margins on page 12, paragraph 3 were 2.75 inches wide, and MLA demands a 3 inch margin. So you get a zero.’ What is it going to take to remind these profs that we are ultimately paying them?

7. The employment and academic acceptance of self-centered, academically perverted, undergrad-detesting, and inherently incompetent T.A’s. There is no applicable reason in this Universe why any T.A should be able to get away with email replies such as, ‘I am too busy writing my thesis to help you.’ And there is absolutely no excuse for a 6-week marking turnover. If you plan to devote your life to being a Prof in this fashion, perhaps you should take a look at yourself and realize what a shitty TA you are, take a pack of razor blades and expired pills, and make Darwin proud.

8. The fact that they can put man on the moon in the last century, but in this current one, cannot come up with a mall that supports any monetary exchange with the exception of primitive cash. Despite the fact that the university is willing to bend you over and anally rape you with tuition, they cannot provide outlets in HUB to accept Visa, Mastercard, AMEX, Debit or first born children. Though the latter option might be taken a little too seriously by the first years who occupy Lister. ‘No, your filthy unwashed bastard child cannot pay your tuition, but it will get you a 2 for 1 deal at Avenue Pizza. Be sure to bring your punch card next time.’

9. The pretentious assholes who occupy every good seat in the Powerplant, RATT, HUB, Humanities, and every other Arts-related hangout. No, you have not read the complete works of Foucault, you have no fucking idea what Derrida was ‘really’ saying, and you have no idea what Neoimperialism, Post structuralism, or Orientalism actually means. See my above advice for useless T.A’s and follow suit.

10. The hassle that is Beartracks, Bearscat, Web CT and every other bureaucracy-related fucked up, bullshit design that the University comes up with to ‘make our lives easier’ but in reality takes twice as long, is constantly unavailable, reports incorrect grades, responses, and provokes me to write these exact rants.


I invite all my U of A friends to join the fray. What 10 things do you hate about the University?