Regan Smash

So I had an entire long weekend to write two research essays that are both due in the next few days, and I decided to blow off the responsibility every time. I dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed, sold bras and panties, read fascinating blog entries of friends that update even less then I do, Drank with Chershey at RATT, played with Turk, got drunk and watched family guy with Geoff and Jordaroo, and at one point just lay on my bed and contemplated the meaning of life for a while. (I settled on fish and 42 as an answer and went to go smoke. It was satisfying.) In fact, I even vacuumed out my entire car, cleaned all the plastic bits, and went so far as to use a nail tool to pry out all the junk and grossness that has fallen in all the tiny crevices of the car in the last 4 years. I also washed it, changed my all-season tires to winter tires (by all season, they obviously mean all seasons EXCEPT the deadly one) then waxed and polished it by hand.

I’m sure someone will give me a degree for doing all that, right?

So now I’m sitting here in front of my computer, the clock ticking away, surrounded by unopened research books…and I’m blogging. I’m simply really, really sick of school. Whoo, I have to write yet another paper that doesn’t matter, write another test of knowledge that is not applicable to everyday life, and remember facts and dates of useless things that happened a billion years ago.

“Hey Keltie, did you hear about the latest news in Baghdad?”
“No, I was too busy learning what Joan Brumburg had to say about female body image in the 1930’s. Why? Is there a war or something?”

Seriously. There had better be a pot of gold at the end of this academic rainbow or I’m going to be pissed right the fuck off.

And now, pictures to distract you from how jaded I am.







Oh, and by the by. In a totally unrelated topic, I read possibly the most offensive and hilarious book of all time. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max. Its too amazing for words. All I can say is that I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. This book should come with a surgeon general's warning.

You can read a selection of his short stores as well as purchase said book, if you feel so inclined, at his incredible website.

http://www.tuckermax.com/

Here is the ditty on the back of his book/website:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.
I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

It was so worth the $25. I highly reccomend you read The Famous "Sushi Pants" Story on this website (of course, it is also in the book) to see if you agree with me. This was the story that sold me forever on Tucker Max.

K.

Quote Du Jour
"Sweetie, buy me a PhD. Thanks honeybunch."
-Chelsey