Ain’t that a bitch

Good friends, good fire, good time. To use the slang, just "chillax’en" by the fire pit with a couple of buddies, talking about nothing. All but CT leave, and a few episodes of Futurama and The Simpson’s are watched. Mosy to bed, fall asleep thinking about firemen.
Wake up from dreams that I’m fairly certain included firemen to a dog whining in your ear at 6:30 in the morning. Calm the dog. Contemplate going to jump on CT because of you’re awake, she should be as well. Decide there’s a slim chance of going back to sleep, but you were really enjoying that fireman dream, so you’re going to give it a shot anyway. Back to bed, and wonderfully, blissful sleep returns! Success!
Okay, so wake up and do all the typical morning routine. Clean up from the pseudo par-tay of the past evening, sit on the deck, shoot the shit with CT, observe the dog and the cat co-existing. This is a whole new step in puppy-kitty relations. Anyway, she leaves. Back into the house. About to jump in the shower, when hear phone beep. Missed call. Check messages. No messages, but the missed call is from the one person that it the root of most of my emotional issues right now. Now I’m in a shitty mood.
Damn.
I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to have hiM not say fucking ANYTHING while I try and try and try. It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall. And we’ll follow our formula: I’ll get pissed off, he’ll explode at me and demand that I tell him what I want him to do, we’ll both start twisting things around, I’ll want to cry but not let him have the satisfaction of hearing me cry, I’ll say fuck it, we’ll pretend that all is well, we’ll hang up. I’ll bawl for a while, feel stupid and weak for crying, and get mad at him all over again for making me cry. I’ll avoid the phone until the next time it rings. The vicious cycle continues. If he could be the way he used to be…well, fuck it. That’s OBVIOUSLY not about to fucking happen. I have to give up on that, I’ve tried to revive it, and that person is gone. Deal with it.
The problem, you see, is that it’s exam week. I have enough stress trying to deal with this person, find a decent job that doesn’t involve carnies, get through exams with my GPA intact and deal with this growing attraction to “other”. I cannot deal with being a big puddle of goo. An educated guess suggests that the “goo stage” will last a week, maybe a week and a half. We’ll have to see, I guess. Because I cannot live this way anymore.
Do I not deserve to be treated like a woman, and be given all the things that encompass that? Respect, love and chivalry. I deserve these things. So the question is: is the “goo phase” worth it? Only time will tell.


-K

Quote du Jour

Freak out! I'm alone now
I feel just like I'm losin' my mind
‘Cause love is like the right dress
On the wrong girl
You never know what you're gonna find
You think you're high and fine as wine
Then you wind up like a dog in a ditch
‘Cause love is like a wrong turn
On a cold night...yeah
Ain't that a bitch, Ain’t that a bitch
-Steven Tyler