Fuck’en rights little doggie, that’s good cake!!!

Oh wow.


Okay, so point form lives again.


-I started @ Legacy Enterprises on Monday. I’ve never seen, heard, or experienced a job quite like this one.

-So first I had to conquer the bus systems Being a pussy, I’m fucking terrified of driving in the city. So I learned the delights of public transit. You see, I have to get up at 5 to be at work by 8, and the “crazy people on the bus antics” just don’t quite compensate for the extreme exhaustion I feel every morning. Or on the way home. I’ve determined that those who recognize me on the bus are certain that I dress nicely to do crack in a cheap hash-house for the entire day because I’m always spaced out or sleeping. Terrific.

-I have these deranged coworkers. I work in an office populated entirely by gorgeous men who are all young, wealthy, driven, and damn fucking HOT. But also…..deranged. I’m also the only other woman in the office, other then Kat, my personal savior. But you can imagine what crazy stuff goes on with the entire office being men with the exception of me and Kat. Take my sexy boss and very sexy partner. My first experience was driving with them around Edmonton. Sound boring? Not even a little bit. These fuckers get high off of speed, adrenaline, and just doing stupid shit in general. Example. We’ve been in Camrose for the last 3 days. We’re coming back on the highway yesterday at the typical speed of 160-180. We pull onto the yellowhead, and I suddenly notice that my boss is driving. Which wouldn’t be a big deal if he wasn’t sitting IN THE BACKSEAT! He was working the wheel while by coworker worked the petals and shifting while going 180 down the yellowhead in a standard vehicle, so that they could rock out to Metallica and show off for the pretty girls in the car next to us. Well, while we streaked by them, anyway. At this point, I hear “Kelt, you know that you’re the eyes, right?”. They were both looking at the girls. Super. This is pretty much just a drop of terrifyingly stupid and hilarious shit that makes up the river of my co-worker related experiences.

-A typical conversation between them goes something like this:

Boss: Fuck *insert name* you fucking piss me off.

Co-worker : What? What the fuck? *gives charming smile*

Boss: You fucking suck my balls. You mother’s an astronaut.

Co-worker: Get off the mother jokes.

Boss: Why not? I just got off your mother!

And then they both laugh and I get about three seconds before my boss slaps my co-worker across the back of the head (WHILE doing 180 at any given time) just because he feels like it. Oh, and “What the fuck? You’re in the ditch! GET OUT OF THE DITCH!!” Is anther personal favorite. Ask me that story sometime. It’s special.

-As a result, my language has deteriorated into some serious trucker mouth. “Fuck” is the first work out of my mouth any given occasion This trend has got to stop, as a chick swearing every second word not only reflects ignorance, but looks trashy and pathetic. Fuck’en rights.

-Another personal favorite? When something good happens, they scream “Fuck’en rights little doggie, that’s good cake!”. This has become a part of my lingo. I will not sacrifice it. It makes me laugh every time my co-worker says it.

-I have a million other “office” stories, and they will slowly appear on here as time goes on. But seeing as how I log 12-15 hour days, I’m typically too damn tired to blog. Or, you know, operate at any mental level.

-For those who are curious, I make 100% commission, and there are several other aspects of this job that suck as well. It’s not all fun and games. I walk around small towns in heels, giving and receiving verbal and mental abuse for 8 hours. I get told to fuck off. I Get thrown out of businesses, and mentally molested every time I run into a pervert owner. My feet bleed, my legs ache, and my back spasms. I pay for my phone charges, which are HUGE, seeing as how we call each other to keep track of territory and make verification calls to 4 different companies, all of which take up to 15 mins each. I’m an independent contractor. My name is Keltie, and I’m with Enmax Energy. *sigh*.

Still, it’s worth is. I love my job, my deranged co-workers, and the fact that his has given me an outlet to be a totally different person. I really like this new positive, aggressive, workaholic Keltie. She might just have to stay.

-K

Quote du Jour

“Fuck’en right that’s good cake…that’s wedding cake, that’s how good that cake fuck’en is.”
-Sexy Co worker